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#FIRSTS: THE VIBRATION of authenticity

The word authenticity holds a tremendous amount of meaning; and, to understand it we must escape the self in order to find its trueness. Of course, the self is inescapable in the physical sense of the word (still, some may argue this), but the real truth begins with the willingness to be stripped down to show a kind of sincerity that is indisputable that no one can deny the self its certainty, not even you.

       Coming to fully embrace the significance of such a loaded noun I can relate to its rawness – and it hurts like hell! Uncovering my own appreciation for authenticity has been a process that only recently have I realized the emotion it contains. A word like this has such strength; it has graced the lips of my mother throughout my childhood, though I never really understood its true value…so where do I start?

       My pursuit began unlike any other; where some opt for the ordinary, I dive right into the deep-end with the strange and unknown - a podcast. I have never produced a podcast, let alone recorded my voice for the sake of playing it for the masses. To be honest, I dislike the sound of my voice, but I think knowing these truths are just part of the process – and is that not why we are here?

       I began this endeavour in search of rawness in humanity and to capture words that might be too rigid on paper. Because after all, there is something to be said about the tone and vibration in a persons’ voice and I wanted to be there to capture that on tape. Translating thoughts and emotions in an audible version is what has captivated me in this form of media. The authenticity of two beings just being themselves, no fluff, just a fluid conversation led by the story-telling of the interviewee’s #FIRST memory. The subject is up for interpretation, anything goes and no topic is off-limits, which is what makes #FIRST so relatable.  

In the initial #FIRST episode I do not shy away from the touchy subject of my best friend’s relationship with her parents. She describes the events of her #FIRST memory as a child loosing her parents in the petting zoo because she got distracted by a deer. After trailing away from her family and not being able to find them for a few hours, Kathy came to the conclusion they were just not looking, or even (assumed) to care. This idea of has now become her reality; this dated presupposed notion has affected her in ways that Kathy herself doesn’t even realize. Perpetuating this 'false' memory, Kathy sees herself as the victim or "forgotten daughter" in the family unit, a role that spills over into other areas of her life. It’s unfortunate this theme has been replaying in her mind out of familiarity as a kind of comfort in understanding her relationship with her family.

       Kathy’s sister (according to Kathy) has done “everything the right way”. She compares herself to her sister because she has a perceived sense of security. There is constant pressure from society to have the house, the job, the partner, the car, and the pension in order to feel fulfilled and protected. If we are off “chasing the deer” we are seen as irresponsible, lacking in knowledge or even an outcast from our family. I can relate! So I interrupt her cycle of negative self-worth and challenge her with a question, “Why are we living for society and not for ourselves?” This expectation from decades of practice has crippled us in many ways. Doubt and fear have taken over our independent thought. And according to my mom, to be authentic we need to combat these defeatist ideals that are ingrained in our psyche. Because only then will we be truly authentic to our being. Thinking and feeling and loving who or how we want are the fundamental lessons here! I say, go… chase that deer and try (try?) to be free – your authentic self is waiting.  

#podcast #FIRST #authentic #concept

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